improvised explosive devices

How was I to know
he was the goddam sherriff?
snarled Billy T, just after
we dumped his gun in the canal,
heaved him into the back of the car,
and sped away from the card game.

----------------------

She had such striking dignity
in spite of her bruises, her badly
broken nose: but that was until
she opened her mouth, and the smell
of the booze through her broken
blackened teeth near enough
knocked us over.

-----------------------

Fritz was a baker in Munich
until he became an Army specialist
at the crematorium in Auschwitz:
it's a simple matter, he said at his trial,
of maintaining even temperatures.

------------------------

Julie had two lovely kids
so nobody could quite understand
why they set fire to her
when Daddy was away.

--------------------------

It's such a sweet little job, said Teddy,
So let me know when you think you're ready;
We're in and we're out and nobody knows,
We hit 'em on the head and steal their clothes!

Hang on, says John, about the money?
Dread, says Ted, grabs at my heart
When you guys try to be funny.

Art is one thing, crime is another:
How could you kneel at the grave of your mother
If she thought your actions arose from greed?
Satisfaction can NEVER be the same as need!!

This action, boys, is not a hate event --
This action, boys, is a fashion statement!

--------------------------------------

She had three breasts --
there were two in the normal position
but one was on top of her head.
Logically, we had to convert to Islam
so she could wear a scarf in the daytime;
and everyone thought that was so cool,
so politically correct, very peachy keen,
including me, because after we got home,
I could say give us a bit o' head, girl --
with a whole new world of meaning!

---------------------------------------

Birdsong in the trees
Dappled sunlight filters through
One bird flies away

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Portia M'Gee was a Dubbalin girl
And she lived down by the river;
Whenever she gave her knockers a twirl
The lads were all in a quiver.

C'mere, says she, for I need a priest,
I'll be needin to make my confession;
If the first come last, but the last are least,
I'll be havin to change me profession.

Yerra, Father Mac was a downy oul' bird
So he laughed at young Portia's confusion;
Ye can come to me girl, as a bird or a turd,
But when ye die it's atomic diffusion.

----------------------------------------

Filthy Fred worked down at the bookies,
And was taking the bets on the races;
When we started in we was all young rookies,
Lads in short pants and our teeth in braces.

Put a shillin on EXBO to win or place,
We'd cry in our shrill and breaking voices;
Get away to ****, get outta me face,
Ye're childer still, don't know the choices!

Ah, Freddy, Fred, MISTER Freddy, please,
Will ye put me shillin on the horse's nose?
I'm beggin ye now, I'll go down on me knees,
There's a hot tip behind it, and nobody knows!

------------------------------------

Look at me straight, says Mister Hate.
Think about money, says Mister Funny.
Think about God, says Mister Odd.
Think about booze, says Mister Choose.
Think about death. Just think about it,
Says the Smiling Angel.